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Dilapidated Penguins

Today was the science part of our pssa's. Surprisingly enough it was not as bad as the other sections like math and reading. Though the sheer monotony of doing the same thing for 4 days has really taken its toll on me. I know this because I asked to go to the bathroom 5 times in 4 hours just to get up. Around the third time I was starting to get funny looks from the teachers, and they would stick there head into the bathroom and ask if I was ok. Most of the time I spent trying to make air planes out of toilet paper, and that doesn't work. So after making some appropriate bathroom noise to convince the teacher/babysitter I was indeed using the bathroom for the purpose that God made them for, I headed back to the testing room. Now most of my test was actually made up of environmental science questions. For some of the questions we would have to read a essay about a experiment or a scientific study of a organism or plant, then answer question pertaining to the essay. So one of the essays was about a disorder in penguins that prevented them from growing down and feathers. Just the thought of bald penguins was enough to make me crack up, but I restrained myself so that I would not disturb the 20 other kids. Now I have no idea whether this disorder actually effects penguins, but for the rest of the test all I could think of was bald penguins. Anyone who attended the test probably went home and told there parents about the weird kid that was staring in to space laughing about something. Maybe it doesn't sound funny, but if you were as bored as I was you would probably laugh at anything. When I say anything that even includes the really lame jokes the teachers tell in hopes the kids will not get too bored and turn cannibalism to entertain themselves. So as I sat in my chair, having already complete my section of the test I sat and though of vocabulary words that described bald sickly penguins. The word dilapidated crossed my mind, and I just about burst into hysterical laughter. The word dilapidated seemed funny to me. What was even more funny was dilapidated penguins are two words that are not commonly used together. Another reason I was trying to get myself to laugh because if I didn't I would have probably cried, because just before this I had used up all my supply of food and bathroom breaks. Now by this point I new I could soon leave, or at least I really hope because i had run out of synonyms for dilapidated. I had also become bored with trying to guess the original hair color of all the girls with odd colored hair. Which there seemed to be a lot of them. Finally after the teachers where satisfied that we were all done (and no one was peer pressured into finishing the test just because every one else was done) they let us out. Well the drivers could leave, which included me. The other kids that did not drive had to wait for parents, poor souls. One thing that really drives me nuts is when your in line to sign out and a girl steps in front of you. Then after a while she turns looks back at you and says "oh, did I cut in line", my first reaction is "yes you did cut in line and I would appreciate if you would haul it on back to the end of the line". Although I am to nice to do that and I let her stay where she is, but before you know it two of her friends decided to join her. This does not bother me too much because I know I will be driving away into the sunset in 2 minutes. They will probably be driving in the other direction away from the sunset making them less awesome then I am.   

Don't Mess with my Bathroom Buddy

Any one who has ever taken a Pssa Test knows how aggravating and tiring they can be. Not that they are hard, but sitting on you rear end for 4 straight hours is boring especially when the test that are given each day takea1 hour and a half tops. Then state law requires a chaperon to escort you to the bathroom. When the teachers administering the test where ask why, they told us for our own safety so we won't get kidnapped, hurt or dismembered on the way. Now what is even more pathetic was the fact that the bathroom is right out side of the room we where testing in. So I kind of doubt that in the short time it took me to walk into the bathroom that any one would have enough time to kidnap or even pick their nose (sometimes it takes awhile to do that, so maybe that wasn't a good example). Anyways, so as I was walking out of the class room and to the bathroom with my teacher/bathroom buddy, I thought that maybe I should run head long into a wall. Reason behind this would be after I let the nurse bring me back to consciousness I would complain that even with the teacher watching out for me I was still injured on the way to the bathroom. Then I thought maybe this wasn't such a good idea because then they would make kids wear a straightjacket and do there business in a training toilet in the middle of the room away from dangerous walls and surfaces. I already hate pssa because of testing, and to add insult to injury they must humiliate us by having a "adult" accompany us to the little boys room. Now this may seem bad enough but to top that off there is always that annoying person. You know, that person that is always asking question and defying the authority of the teachers. For example during testing no electronics are allowed (with the exception of calculators). So of course to most teens this is like capital punishment. Though surprisingly enough no one complained........expect for this certain individual, who asked why we can't at least listen to our iPods. Well the teacher explained since the rules state no electronics (with the exception of calculators) they couldn't even allow iPods. Then later on after we where done testing we are where asked to put our answer book inside our other book and then put our name card inside our test book, confusing right. So every one just did it because that is what they asked. Well of course today is the last day we are using this certain book so technically they did not need the cards to figure out whose book was whose. I though about this briefly, but the teachers are the ones in charge and if they make a mistake that’s their problem. Well this individual again has to show that she/he is smarter then the teacher. So this individual doesn't put her/his name card in her book and when the teacher comes to collect in she insists that taking her/his name card is unnecessary. So as she/he argues with the teacher, another teacher comes up and informs the other teacher that this student is right and that since we are not using this book any more the cards are not necessary. Now unless the card has same sort of sentimental value to you, I don't understand why arguing with the teacher about this is worth the time of day. Then the other teacher needs to learn that you never tell people like this they are right, THAT ENCOURAGES THEM. They do not need encouragement to get better they get lots of practice to make up for that. If I was to argue with the teacher it would be about having to be escorted to the bathroom. I don't like causing problems, so I wouldn't argue, if I wanted to make a point I would have peed myself and then told them I was too scared to go to the bathroom with a stranger. That way I wouldn't cause any problems. As strange as this may sound, that is not half of the things that run through your mind when you are sitting in a chair staring at the same wall for 4 hours. If they would have given be about 2 more hours I would have though up a really good escape plan, by braiding my paper and books in to ropes and jumping out the first floor window.

Ingnorance

I am sure most people have heard the expression ignorance is bliss. Most people that know me well would assume that I whole heartily agree with it. In some ways I like to enjoy the benefits of the expression. Though I think that it is what gets young children in the most trouble. Or at least that’s what seemed to get me in a lot of trouble, though I assure you there where other factors too. For example, it was in second grade that I first heard the expression “take a hike”. Now as most people would know that is not some thing you would, or should say to some one in higher authority then yourself. At the time I was ignorant to the fact that it was disrespectful, because it was in a story that my teacher read to the class. At the time I figured that if I heard an adult say something it must be alright to repeat. Not that “take a hike” is bad, but it is not an ideal phrase to repeat when you mom tells you to clean your room. So after learning this expression I made the mistake of trying it out on my Mom. Now I had two things going against me, first was ignorance. The second aspect is probably what got me in the most trouble. My mom misunderstood my ignorance for disrespect. I saw nothing wrong with what I just said because I had just learned the expression in school. I don’t remember the punishment that followed. It was probably more then just sitting in the corner. So what we can learn is that ignorance is not always blissful. When you learn some new expression use it on a sibling first.

Word O the day

The word O the day today is gobbledygook.

So how is a romantic peom simular to a Idiot Savant? you and I are about to find out.

Romantic poetry is a pain. To clarify it is not romantic as in poetry expressing love, it is genre of poetry that is written so that it doesn't make sense. Well I can not really say that because it must have made sense to the writer unless he happened to be really intoxicated at the time and when he finally sobered up and read what he had written hit immediately found a good stubborn mule and yanked on its tail so it would kick him in the head. Now that last sentence is a good example of a terrible run-on. Though I don't feel to bad because grammar doesn't apply to poets. I try not to judge all Romantic poets for I am sure there was good intentions behind there poetry. Though take the poem Xanadu, (not the Rush song) it was some fellers dream and he decided that it would be a good idea to write it down. From personal experience if I decided to dictate my dreams in to poetry, incoherence wouldn't begin to express the nonsense what would flow from my pen (poetically speaking). Maybe he is a intelligent dreamer, so I guess I must be a idiot savant dreamer, only without the savant part. So what I do understand from poetry is that it usually is some emotionally distress manic depressed or liberal wimp (no offense to liberals) expressing his feelings by ignoring grammar rules and rhyming words with no thought to whether they make sense. Then to top things off somebody though it would be beneficial to make this poetry part of a literature course. Which means I, and any one else taking literature must interpret this poems and look for elements such as alliteration, personification, similes, and my favorite Metaphors. Can any one guess what's metaphor, its really simple most Meadows I have been in are used to graze cows. Speaking of cows my favorite poem is actually about purple cows, but I won't go into that because purple cows remind me of Chateaubriand, with rhymes with idiot savant. Which all goes back to the fact that poetry doesn't need to make sense as long as it rhymes. I am really disappointed when I come across a poem that neither rhymes nor makes sense. So maybe if I ever have the time I will make a poem using idiot savant and Chateaubriand. It will be a epic poem that tells a story that is set in the French city of Clermont-Ferrand, WHICH ALSO RHYMES WHICH IDIOT SAVANT AND CHATEAUBRIAND (I bet you would have never guessed, I really mean that because no one can pronounce them). Chateaubriand is some kind of steak that is some sort of delicacy that is over priced because it has a french name and rhymes with Clermont- Ferrand. I so if I ever go to a restaurant that serves Chateaubriand, I will ask for some strawberry preserve with my hors d'oeuvre. I will probably get kicked out of the restaurant. All because I hated the romantic peotry unit in my literature course.

After you are done reading leave a comment and hit the like button, Thanks all viewers.

Google blogger includes all kinds of interesting tools and features that I have not clue what purpose they serve. for example the like and dislike option. I find the like and dislike option for each post very funny. At first glance they do not seem humors or even significant. Since my online journal is only viewed by family and friends I don't have to worry about getting dislikes unless I post offensive comments about goats and banjo's. Though I was recently looking at my blog states and I notice that I have viewers in Russia. Now I can imagine those Russian people gathered around the community computer (that may be stereotypical, for all I know they all own macs). Anyways back to my mental picture. So they are gathered around the computer reading my blog (which is also strange because I do not know how many of them read English). So there is one person translating to the rest of these Russian folks. As they read they look at each other with quizzical expressions. Then one of them remarks "So this why their country is in the economical shape its in, this is what they spend all their time doing." That being said they click the dislike button and and proceed to light there computer on fire. Now I have no proof that Russians act in this way, and if any Russians are reading this please correct me (in English). Back to the point so in my case I have a good chance of having my post liked. Though if you go to YouTube, or places like that you might come across a video where the video poster person begs his audience for likes. Now not only do I find this lame, but unless the video is promoting cancer as a good thing why would a individual have any worries about people disliking what he posted. So I figure that a surefire way of getting "likes" is to make videos and pictures of cute kittens heads exploding into candy. Yep, becoming "liked" on the Internets is a very simple matter, I figure once every one finds out about my idea, begging for likes will become a thing of the past and every video on YouTube will have a short video of  a kittens head exploding in to candy. Either that or a video, or artical assuring people that their refrigorator lights do go off when the door is shut. With a tactic like that the only person that will not be liking videos is PETA, and no one really cares what they think anyway. So to conclude to days post, use my wisdom wisely and do not take credit or I will sue you.

The terrible Shape of the world, or maybe not so terrible

I have finally figured out why our world is in shape it is in. Do you know why? Well crime and hatred and war are some things that may come to mind. Then again there is political greed and corruption. All kinds of factors attribute to what we think of the shape of this planet. I have figured out the reason, and it is none of thee above. The reason the world is in the shape it is,……..ready for this it may come as a shock. Ok now that you are all mentally prepared I will drop this great piece of insight on you all. The reason the world is in the shape it is, is because, are you sure you are ready, alright I take that as a yes. Here it goes THE REASON THE WORLD IS IN THE SHAPE IT IS, is because it spins better when its round. See, how hard was that? Many people would have sat down and tried to think of every difficult philosophical answer they could think of, and guess what……….. There would be people that disagree with them. My logic is irrefutable, whether you like me or not you have no choice but to come to the realization that I am correct. So the simple mind is more logical then they intellectual. This does not mean I an better then any one else I am just righter then them, and righter must be a word because spell check doesn't correct me. One more piece of evidence to prove my point.

Dogs, mans best enemy.

Sometimes a get this feeling that my dog is plotting to kill me. Maybe I am just paranoid, but after doing some serious contemplating about it I realize it is a realistic possibility. Most house hold pets seem innocent enough, they have the intelligence to do simple tricks and actions that we train them to do. I think they know more then what they let us beleive. Most of the time my dog just sits around all day and sleeps, or thats what she seems to be doing. If she was always running around and playing and running after sticks and balls and stuff i wouldn't be so worried. This is not the case so I feel that if my dog is not busying herself with useless activities she must be up to something else. The most dangerous part is our dog is the last creature we would suspect to try and do us in. Now I an not sure how we should go about preventing a preemptive attack from a furry friends. So for now I am bribing my dog with scraps from the table. She seems content enough for now but soon she will want more. When I can no longer meet her requirements I fear that she will no long have a use for me and I will wake up one night and she will be standing over me with a ax laughing (if dogs could laugh).

OUR COUNTRY AT RISK

It has come to my attention that America  is being faced with its greatest threat yet. You are probably thinking to yourself is it the state of our finances? Well thats close but not quite the greatest threat. Your second guess would be preemptive strike from Canada. I don't think we need to fear this either because all they are interested in is hockey and Molson. Your third guess would probably be the eradication of salt from all our foods, and you would be right. Just go to your local store, and look at all the canned foods and stuff. Every thing has labels on claiming less salt, or sodium free. I broke out in tears when I saw spam reduced in salt by 25%. Well I decided that this could only mean one thing, and that is terrorist have taken over all the salt factories. I came to this conclusion because every time gas goes up the government blames it on the middle east.  Every one knows that all the terrorist come from the middle east. Except for the Irish terrorist people, and they don't care about gas or salt, matter of fact no one has any idea on what they want, they probably just like blowing stuff up. Anyways to get back to the point I figure that if we are having a salt shortage, it can only be blamed on salt hijacking terrorists. So I say we demand that our government see to it that these salt factories and taken back and placed the safe hands of the American people. We must stop this before these sick people get the courage to attack our Tasty-kake, Little Debbie, and Twinky making places.