Saturday, October 13, 2012

Coveted Donkeys

 As Roy looked over his land, long rows of golden wheat proved that it had been a good season. The perfect amount of rain, and good weather had assured that this year’s harvest was one of bounty and surplus. All that remained was the harvest, which would consist of long and grueling hours of work. Though Roy did not look forward to this, he knew it was a necessary part of farming.
Roy’s neighbor, Clyde, had also experienced an exceedingly great year for his crops. Clyde decided that he would invite all his neighboring farmers over to celebrate this years exceeding harvest.  After the festivities were over Clyde showed Roy around his farm. When they came to the barn Roy noticed Clyde’s large pack of donkeys.
“I’ll bet all them there Donkeys sure are handy come harvest season,” Roy said.
“They sure do,” replied Clyde, “they make harvest season take half the time.”
As Roy gazed at Clyde’s pack of donkeys he began to think how much more convenient if he could add four more donkeys to his measly pair.
As the harvest season began Roy became obsessed with acquiring more livestock. Each day he toiled out in the field, he thought of how great it would be to own just a few more donkeys. His pair of donkeys just didn’t seem to get the job done fast enough.
“If I could just get my hands on four more donkeys my life I would be set for life,” Roy thought. “How am I gunna get me 4 more donkeys, nearest donkeys around these parts are owned by Clyde.”
At this moment a malicious idea came into Roy’s mind, he knew just how he was going to get his donkeys. 
Late one night Roy silently crept through the field separating his farm from Clyde’s.  When he had reached Clyde’s barn he carefully snuck inside and removed four donkeys from Clyde’s large pack.  As he left Clyde’s barn Roy lit fire to a pile hay, then quickly scrambled back across his field.  Once he reached home Roy quickly hid the stolen donkeys, and climbed into bed.
Then next morning Roy was not surprised to hear someone knocking on his door. As it turned out it was one of Roy’s other neighbors
“Did ya hear that Clyde’s barn burnt down last night?” he said. “All his livestock perished in the blaze”.
“I am mighty sorry to hear that,” Roy said with a concerned look on his face. “I reckon we all should try and help him out. Since I don’t got much livestock all I can do is send one of my boys over to help out.”
Roy didn’t feel that guilty since he figured that sending his son over to help Clyde made up for his act of thievery and arson.
So a week later Roy began using his four newly acquired donkeys to harvest his crop. Roy was not disappointed with the four donkeys, work seem to take three times less then before. To make matters even better no one noticed his extra livestock, or suspected that he caused the fire. Roy figured that he was pretty darn clever. At the end of the season Roy reckoned that he would just claim that he purchased them with the extra income from his surplus of crops.
As Roy was working out in the field one day he noticed a long dark curtain of clouds moving in. This annoyed Roy, because even though the harvest was basically done he knew a large storm could ruin the rest of his crop.  Roy hastily took his pack of donkeys into the barn and ran to his house to escape the approaching storm. To Roy’s dismay the storm soon became so violent that he was forced to move his family down in their storm cellar.
            It was at this moment the Roy remembered that in his haste he had forgotten to properly secure the barn door.  So Roy scrambled out of the storm cellar into the violent tempest to go close the barn door. Now it must have not been Roy’s lucky day. When he reached the barn all of the stolen donkeys had wandered out and were calmly grazing while the storm raged around them. Roy muttered a few colorful words and then sprinted off to collect his livestock.
            Just as Roy had gathered his pack of donkeys back together and head back to the barn, he noticed he was in the path of an enormous tornado. The large cyclone came along so quickly that Roy barely escaped. Roy turned and watched in horror as the cyclone consumed his donkeys, lifting them up into the air. Roy, who was completely terrified, turned and raced back to the storm cellar.  As Roy ran through the last field of wheat a large projectile fell on him. Roy did not have a chance to even yell out in surprise for he was crushed immediately.
After the storm had cleared Roy’s family ventured out of the storm cellar.  To their dismay Roy could not be found anywhere. Of course after hearing this all Roy’s neighbors came over to help his family clean up, and find Roy. It was sad sight to see, Roy’s farm lay in ruins. The barn had been capsized and all of his donkeys displaced acres apart. Every thing Roy had work so hard for over the summer was scattered all across his land.
 Weeks went by and there was still no sigh of Roy. Roy’s neighbors figured it would be a good idea to finish cutting the wheat that wasn’t harvested. So a few of Roy’s neighbors, including Clyde, began to cut the last field of wheat. As they came to the middle of the field they were shocked by what they came across. There lying under the carcass of a donkey, was the body of the late farmer Roy. The look of surprise and terror on his face matched that of the on looking neighbors. Clyde took one look at Roy, and then at the donkey and said.
“I believe that there was one of my donkeys”.
Thus ends the story and life of Roy.  What he coveted most became what led to his demise. He was just another man that was victim of a jackass.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

The government made me do it

The most annoying part of the school year is always the first week of orientation. It seems that over this period of time the teachers find that it is necessary to try and inspire and motivate that students to love school. I find that vocal motivation is pretty much as useless as a paraplegic tap dancer. I find that motivation is better when it involves following a jogger around with a bull dozer. Well, to get back on topic in my first class the teacher asked a question along the lines of, "what are some words that describe what motivates us to be successful in school. At first I thought of some words like determination, organization, and a bunch more that would have been text book answers. Well after I noticed they were all used I had to be more creative. So the first thing that came to my mind was government required. Well the teacher started reading of the answers that us students gave her and commenting how each one was a great answer. Then she got to mine, there was a slight pause and she said something along the lines of, "ummmm, well yes that is another reason". After this she showed us the list that she had created. Many of the words other students had used where one it. Well I couldn't resist asking why Government required wasn't on that list. I forget how the teacher answered that question, but it was somewhere along the lines that government required is not a healthy motivational tool for students. Obviously she doesn't have much of a sense of humor. Well I decided that my goal for this school year is to make her laugh. Before any one mentions that my gaol is really lame, think of it this way its gunna be harder then getting an A.

Friday, August 10, 2012

The complaining post, feel free to leave a complaining comment.

You know, everyone has there own pet peeves (and for those of you who are as dumb as I, peeves are not animals, they are in fact things that annoy us personally, and individually). Most are usually pretty weird. For example, some people get annoyed with others, putting toilet paper on the roller thingy upside down, and others picking their nose, or finding batteries laying on the ground. As weird as they may sound to others I am sure that they are sane and rational in the owners mind. My pet peeves are not at all weird and are perfectly rational. For instance it annoys me when I am in a vehicle with a person that purposely drives with one hand. Their other hand is not being occupied with any thing else, but some how one handed driving is in there mind proof that they are a experienced and confident driver. Convenient stores also annoy me, namely local turkey hills. The reason being is that every one knows one another, as great as this may sound on days when there is only one cashier it always seems that the person ahead of me wants talk to the cashier. Lottery ticket people also irritate me, first of all is the fact they they are idiotic enough to buy them. Secondly it seems the most of them purchase the tickets then proceed to stand at the counter and scratch there scratch offs. Now it is even more interesting to stand there and watch the awkward look on the cashiers face because she doesn't have the courage to tell to get there ticket scratching rear ends out of the way.  She finally directs me to the next counter and there is another individual scratching there tickets, but since this counter is wider we can at least work around the ticket scratcher. Now the whole time the scratcher person gives me annoyed looks, I must be his pet peeve, and you know what the though of that makes my day. Now it would be really interesting if I could find this individuals blog, and find that he/she complains about people that distract him/her from there ticket scratching. Now I have many more pet peeves, it would take to long. Though to be kind I will allow you to post your complaints in the comment box.  It will make my day if I am involved with any of them.

Friday, July 6, 2012

I'm a Rebel


Flying Monkeys

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Don't think pleasant thoughts

I had the privileged of reading A William Wordsworth poem for my literature course. The work they selected was called Lines written in Early Spring. Now to me that sounds like a happy joy joy kind crap that we are use to. It begins by talking about how he sat in a grove and heard thousands of blended notes. Then it gets real strange. He then states that this brings pleasant thoughts to mind, and that the pleasant thoughts bring sad thoughts. That kind of defeats the purpose of pleasant thoughts. Now I will be paranoid every time I think of puppies, rainbows, and turkeyhill ice cream. Me and these poets have something in common neither of us proof read our writing to see if it actually makes sense. So I justify myself by thinking that these guys got published and they didn't make sense, and I am not published so I must be pretty good (for a non published guy). Then to top things off Lord Bryon begins his poem Darkness by stating "I had a dream, which was not at all a dream". So what I understand is that he said all that just to inform us he didn't have a dream. Either that or contradicting ones self is common in poetry. I am sure there is some explanation for Lord Bryon's intro, but to sit and think about it is a waste of my time. So is writing this blog.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Absense is golden

It concerns me that Eli is no longer posting new material on his blog. Matter of fact he is not posting any material on his blog. His absence leads me to on conclusion, he had his 19th nervous breakdown, and was committed to a institution. I always find that term committed funny or example,"I made a commitment to go to a asylum". Doesn't make sense. here is one that does,"I was forcible placed in the custody of a mental institution". Though when you look at it whether you want to or not you are committed to staying the duration of your visit to the asylum. So Eli, who is most likely ashamed of this, is using the excuse that his blog is experiencing technical difficulties. Bad excuse, a more feasible excuse would be a sick goat, or that he contracted mad cow disease, or his brothers broke his typing hand(s). So I would ask that every one write get well letters in his comment place. Not that his presence is necessary but it is nice to have a free comical target to practice lame jokes on. Here's one, A Eli walks into a goat the person behind him ducks ba dum dum. Not really funny right? It was just to prove my point, I was not liable to make you laugh, I HAVE NO LEGAL TIES TO YOU, I AM A FREE MAN. Maybe the fact that they're not funny makes them funny or just pathetic. Anyhow I am sure that Eli will be released any day now. When he returns we don't need to mention that I revealed his real reason for his blogging leave.